Gargle Goes Motorboating
by primadonnabloodbath
Summary: The Reef Prince Glu-urrgle goes on the internet and discovers some oh-so lovely new words and phrases, and he wants to teach them all to his friends! What on earth could could possibly go wrong? One-shot, crack, rated T for... obvious reasons. Basically, don't look up any of these words in public if you don't know them already.


**A/N:** Might as well post this while I'm on a posting kick. This story I've actually had half-written for a while, at the beginning of September if I remember correctly, I just haven't had the time to post it. Also, it was one of the very few fics I remembered to transfer to a flash drive before my comp died, so it has a special place in my heart, reminding me that I'm not as much as an idiot as I thought I was. Also, it's based off a similar situation with my sister and me and a new iPhone, ah memories! Yeah, I'm never gonna let her live it down.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Kaijudo. Yet. My deep cover operatives have been unresponsive as of late... NAH, I'm just kidding with you! Or am I?

* * *

It was official.

Gargle was bored out of his skull. Or whatever his head's made out of, probably cartilage or something to that extent, considering he's a fish. But that didn't matter right now, only that Gargle had nothing at all to do in the quiet little dojo. It was a slow day, considering most of his escapades involved vanquishing evil or stopping the Choten and his forces, but even they seemed non-existent at this point.

All he could do was stare at the little light creatures zooming past as he waited for Gabriel to some back from getting a scroll or tablet of some sort, he wasn't really listening. _Why'd G-abriel's duty have to be so dull?_ He thought to himself, positioning his fat little body into a reclining position, careful not to topple over the edge.

Normally, Gargle would have had Gabe's cell phone with him, to browse the internet, but alas. Gabriel's phone was firmly tucked in his left hand shorts pocket, and the passcode had been changed multiple times in the past hour.

Sure, Gargle could have cracked it in a matter of minutes, but he didn't feel like waiting for him to come back, or sneaking up from behind to get it. As he sat on the edge of the War Room, he puzzled anxiously as to what he should do next, until his eye suddenly caught something.

A small, black box, lying face down a few inches next to him. He curiously picked it up, examining it closely. It appeared to be a phone, a slightly older model than Gabe's, but a working phone nonetheless. He chirped in delight, inserting one of his fingers into the headphone jack and quickly unlocking the screen. He could just screw around with this until Gabe returned!

With that, Gargle proceeded to open up the internet app and scour for memes. One hyperlink led to another, and he ended up surfing over all kinds of websites, regardless of his original intentions. YouTube, Reddit, Blogger, Facebook, Memebase, 4chan, 8chan, Tumblr, Twitter, you name it. Gargle was ping-ponging around like a spider hopped up on caffeine.

His quest for memes hit a standstill when he saw a creature resembling a rather muscular member of the Bronze-Arm Tribe wearing a sweater on a Tumblr blog. Curiously enough, the sweater appeared to be ripped in the front, exposing his chest muscles. What a completely impractical form of clothing, he could be very well killed with his lungs and heart clearly laid out like that! The weirdest thing, however, was the caption, which only spelled out a single, non-punctuated sentence.

 _"aw yiss I'm gonna motorboat that bara tiddy"_

…Bara Tiddy?

Gargle pondered what that compound noun could possibly indicate before clicking on the link to the rest of the artist's drawings. He scrolled down, wondering what on earth the sentence could have possibly meant.

Motorboating, of course was a form of transportation, so maybe that was his name? Perhaps the artist wanted to take him on a boat ride? It would explain the completely useless armor he was wearing, if it was just a leisurely boat ride. His train of thought then went back to the drawings, and his eyes darted back down to the screen, which he nearly screamed at seeing.

All there was were a bunch of risqué drawings of these multi-colored beastkin in various inappropriate situations.

Oh, he was in trouble. He kept scrolling down, desperately trying to find a normal, clean picture to stop on to divert suspicions, but the lewd drawings kept coming. After two minutes of panicked scrolling and 'next page' clicking, he gave up and turned off the screen, hoping that nobody would see it.

He was going to die if the owner found the phone again. And with that, he hopped off the edge and ran for his life out of the War Room, clutching the phone firmly in his little blue paws. He had to get rid of the evidence somehow.

"Sorry it took so long!" Gabriel said, coming into the room four minutes later. "I ended up having to…" He looked around the room, noticing that Gargle had mysteriously vanished without a trace. "Aw, not this again!"

* * *

Gargle entered Master Chavez's room slowly and quietly, trying not to disturb him or his meditating. The only way to cleanse his own heinous sins was with fire, and lots of it. Away the phone would go, although the memories of this event would stay permanently lodged in the back of his head. Okay, again with the head/skull thing, it doesn't matter because he's a fish. He was all set to drop the phone in, but something seemed off about Chavez.

Chavez, who normally meditated in a sitting or kneeling position, was instead lying flat on his back, with his arms loosely at his side. His hoodie was tied around his waist, revealing a tight black T-shirt which had apparently always been beneath it, and he appeared in be in the midst of sleeping soundly.

This state of dishevelment concerned Gargle deeply, as he'd always seen Chavez upholding a certain sort of aptitude to his appearance. He gently placed down the phone, and rested his head onto Chavez's chest, to make sure he was still breathing. Sure enough, the breaths came; slow and steady as usual, but he still did not stir.

Gargle's main plan of action had been halted. He had to make sure Chavez was alright and capable to duel another day. Perhaps the poor Master had been placed under a spell, oh that had to be it! But how to awake him was the real question. Gargle racked all of his mind and spell knowledge until one phrase popped into his head.

 _"aw yiss I'm gonna motorboat that bara tiddy"_

Gargle snapped his fingers. That wasn't what motor-boating meant at all in that context! He knew what he had to do, as he looked down at the reclining Duel Master. He extended one hand towards the man's chest, and morphed it into that of a blending tool as he gently moved his hand towards Chavez's pectorals.

At the second that Gargle's hand touched his chest, Chavez jolted awake and into a sitting position, yelling in surprise. Gargle leapt backwards screaming as well, startled by the violent reaction, and shielded himself from any possible attacks. "Gargle… I'm … fine… alright?" Chavez breathed heavily, trying to calm down Gargle in between panicked wheezes.

Master Nadia and Gabriel poked their heads into the room, obviously alerted by the sudden screams of terror. "Oh! There you are, Gargle." Gabriel walked over to where the slightly-panicked water creature was and picked him up. "I guess I should've summoned you after a got that tablet, huh?" He walked out of the room, carting Gargle along with him, who was very pleased in his mission of ensuring Chavez was alright. He did feel like there was something else he went in there to do, but he would probably remember it better after he'd calmed his own heart rate.

Nadia, on the other hand, walked towards Chavez and knelt down beside him. "Are you alright? We really should get more stalker-spheres in the hallways in cases like this."

"No, no. I'm good. It was my own fault," he explained. "I was slacking off in my duties, and I guess someone wanted to make sure I stayed on track." He then looked over to see the phone laying a few inches from him. "Not sure what he was doing with my phone…" He reached over and picked it up, typed in the pass code, and his eyes widened in pure horror when the screen loaded.

"I assume I should call Gabriel back in?" Nadia said, her eyes just as big. "Or, at the very least, monitor Gargle's 'learning' methods."


End file.
